Woah, I wrote the last post 4 months ago, consistency huh.
A lot has happened in this time. I am not sure what I wrote last time, what was the life update back then, but let’s see. I was talking about fighting brainrot, that is derived from the title. I have taken steps towards it, but haven’t successfully gotten over it yet.
I have uninstalled Instagram from a long time and I am actually not interested in seeing anything or getting updates from that app and the general mass which that app contains. I am feeling good not being there. In the meantime I got into reddit a lot but then I got rid of it too. I found it to be equally addictive. And actually more dangerous than instagram. I have successfully got rid of that too. Right now, my only addiction is Youtube. I do not see myself getting rid of my Youtube addiction anytime soon, atleast till I am out of this noisy place.
Youtube is distracting, but not more than the surroundings that I am in, it is actually a comparatively better distraction. So I prefer it consciously. I obviously do not want to be addicted to Youtube forever, but for the time being, I feel it is helpful as it keeps me away from the worse distraction from my surroundings.
I have started working in a startup, I started as SWE Intern and then got converted to SWE in 2 months, so my career has started in the tech formally. The pay is really low but something is better than nothing. I am happy about it.
I am not giving even 50% of myself to work, I am getting distracted, being lazy and being an absolute typical employee ever possible. I do not want to be like this, but somehow I have got myself into this, I am yet to identify the cause of this behaviour, I will soon figure it out and fight it.
Let’s leave all that aside, let’s talk about something that is getting into my head every now and then.
A lot of people in my life, are there only to use me, to be in a very transactional sort of relationship, where I do something for them, little or big varies, but then they disappear to reappear when they need something else. And this transaction is mainly one way, as there are very few instances when I need something from them, it’s almost never the case.
And I am not even talking about colleagues, classmates or accidental relationships of that sort, I am talking about relationships that transcend beyond that. I am not sure if this is the state of human relationships in the world right now, my case is unique or I am in touch with the wrong people. I am not sure what it is.
But something that I am sure about is, I am the type of person who does not mind helping people. And somewhere this plays a part in all this. I am too accessible to everyone. And I am not super happy about it. I am somewhat fed up of it now.
As Gaush has said in his 25 Freestyle recently, “Man I’m tired of always being the bigger person, khudki sochu because no one else won’t”. Talking about Gaush, I saw him as a sweet and caring person, his persona, his way of talking was always like that, and he was infact someone like that. When I saw him doing what he did, I felt bad for a while.
But after a bit, now when I think of it. He does not have to be stuck in the expectations of others. He has the right to stand up for himself and do whatever it takes to give back. It might make some people angry, make some people disappointed and some people to distance themselves from you. But pleasing anyone comes only and only after you are pleased cent percent.
I am not driven by Gaush’s actions but he has somehow make me think about it. I should make myself happy first, and cutoff everyone who is there to make transactions on top of the love I have for them. No matter if I have to loose all the relationships that exist in my life, and I am thankful to shri hari that it is not the case.
I will write more, I will write regularly. Let’s try our best : )